Being Nicky Law: The secret diary of a City manager

By James Ramsden. Saturday 21 December, 2002

Week Four

Monday 9th December

Well I've finally got over events down in Brighton. Needless to say, I will not be talking about it ever again. However it seems thing are going from bad to worse - I had a visit from the police today. It seems that they are on a bit of a crackdown in the Mannigham/Lumb Lane area of the city, due to certain 'practices' that carry on there. Apparently I was spotted last week, running away from the area at 6.30 am dressed in just a pair of y fronts and a vest. I've got to go down to the copshop on Thursday and give a statement - the day of our Xmas party.

Tuesday 10th December

We had a vote this morning on what theme the fancy dress party should take on Thursday. The lads, being the funny wind up merchants that they are, suggested 'steers and queers' or vicars and tarts. Very funny - I took an executive decision and said ,that seeing we play Forest this weekend - we should all go as Robin Hood characters - which resulted in me being called Friar Tuck all afternoon. Later on though we had a bit of an accident. The lads were practising being merry men, ambushing people and that - and they jumped the Sheriff (Wethers) unfortunately his hamstrings couldn't take the weight of 9 men and snapped - I think he'll be out for a couple of months again.

Wednesday 11th December

Not sure what to get the other half for Xmas. I know she's getting me a 12" Paella dish and a year's subscription to BodyArt - but I've got to say I'm stumped on what to buy her. I did think about a Black & Decker workbench, but then again I thought about a new washing machine. I walked in on her the otherday, and the Hotpoint must have been making so much noise rattling around the kitchen, bless her - she was sitting on top of the thing just to stop it moving around!

Thursday 12th December

Went down the copshop today and spent three hours denying the fact that I was seen with someone soliciting. Fair enough, for the first hour I got the wrong end of the stick, and tried to explain to them that my brief actually lives in Chesterfield not Bradford, but after this was cleared up, it was still tough going. Apparently, someone saw me, red faced with all my veins sticking out, running down lumb lane in my y fronts. I took me an hour to explain to the police that these were not y fronts - but my new Damart Sport thermal triathelete running shorts. They questioned me for another hour - and at one point I got particularly hot under the collar - it was ten past five and I had to pick up my Will Scarlet outfit and the shop shuts at 5 - but then I remembered it was late night shopping so I had another hour. In they end, they let me off with a caution - don't wear the Damart Sport shorts again, or they will do me for indecent exposure. The party was a great success. Everyone looked fantastic as the merry men - except for Toddy, who couldn't remember what the theme was. He has a faint recollection that it was something to do with forest, but wasn't sure. Ten out of ten for trying though, and even though his branches knocked over quite a lot of tables, I still take my hat off to him, for staying up all night and making a tree outfit.

Friday 13th December

Friday training and were buzzing - I told Harpal he had put too much garlic in the Dansak - nevermind though, as a good training session sweated it out. With Robin Hood still in our mind, we played 'longstaffs' - a bit like Gladiators. Big Bob played the part of Little John, and fair play to him - absolutely hammered everyone - he even managed to land a few headbutts on Delroy!! (apparently this was Little John's special move). Got to stop the rot tomorrow - don't want to go down as being worse than Jeffries or the Doc.

Saturday 14th December

YES!! What a win. The sight of Little John doing his trademark butt on Manu's cross, brought tears to my eyes! Fantastic result - the Merry Men can only get better from here. Perhaps we will get dressed up as a theme each week. Think I'll send young Simon down to the fancy dress shop to pick up 14 wasp outfits for next week's game. However, I will draw the line when we play Brighton. Must dash - off to Currys to get a new washing machine - the one on the advert where the 20p doesn't fall over even when its on full spin - the Mrs will be over the moon!

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