Being Nicky Law: The secret diary of a City manager

By James Ramsden. Tuesday 08 October, 2002

Week One

Sunday 28th September.

Read through a few of the papers with the Mrs in bed this morning.The match reports interest me, but what I really buy them for on a Sunday, is that you can sometimes find adverts in the back regarding hair care products endorsed by Graham Gooch. There's none in this week, so I'll have to wait til next Sunday. The Mrs bought me this thing last Christmas that was a sort of vibrating massager. You rub it on your bonse and its meant to stimulate hair growth, it didn't work and I sent back for a refund. The funny thing was that the Mrs was absolutely gutted and I don't know why - she used to use it a lot when I was training, but it never made her hair grow, come to think of it, she's got long hair anyway. Strange.

Monday 29th September.

Put the lads through a tough training session today, after the defeat by Portsmouth. We went through 'how to tie a head wound', 'what to do when you have cramp' and 'how to fall without hurting yourself'. I brought in the 'stunt guru' Jackie Chan as a guest speaker, and I think he really inspired the players with his interesting and informative chat. We also had a vote to see if we needed five a side, shuttles and circuit training, but it was decided that we best not, just in case anybody gets hurt. The way things are going, I'm gonna have to dust off the old boots! Can't wait to get home tonight as its Emmerdale, Eastenders, Corrie and Brookside on the TV, and the Mrs is cooking chips for tea!

Tuesday 1st of October.

Well, first day of a new month - and it's not the best. My little nipper got back from staying with friends, and wasn't happy that his pet goldfish, 'Chips', was missing. I made a sharp exit, but in the end the Mrs said I had to tell the truth. What with the administration and everything, moneys a bit tight at the moment, and we couldn't afford to go to Morrisons until payday (today thank goodness). I tried to explain that Chips had donated his life for a good cause, but it didn't go down too well. I promised the kid that we'd get another one, and this time it'd be a tropical one (didn't tell him that I heard tropical fish were meant to taste better though -ha ha!). Got to go, as I'm taking the Mrs to her nightschool class - she's taken up woodwork.

Wednesday October 2nd.

Day off today, so I spent the day scouting. I think it's very important to look at everything available and cover all angles before you commit yourself into spending a lot of money. After weeks of searching I think I have found a new addition. It's a Tasmanian devil holding a heart and dagger, and I'm going to have it on the left thigh. Yes, maybe £43 is a bit steep, but this guy is meant to do the best tattoos in West Yorkshire. I'm getting it done on Friday, and I'm taking Jamie and Cada with me to assess the quality of the guy. Just had a call from Banksy to say that he's been in a meeting with Gordon - the FA are not gonna give us anymore money for players. I told Banksy that we'd both better get our boots out (then I remembered that Banksy was a total nutter on the field and the last thing we needed was our assistant manager suspended for three weeks).

Thursday 3rd October.

Had a meeting with the injured players today. Couldn't get a room big enough at the club, so we had to use a local conference suite instead. It was good to see everyone in high spirits, especially young Tom Kearney, although I must admit he looked a bit down when Athers was taking the piss out of his sister getting her tits out on TV in some arty drama thing. I showed them that we could raise a 'mock team' of all the injured we had, at which point Toddy got up and left in a huff because he didn't make the starting eleven - we'd brought back Ormondroyd as a ringer instead, still, he didn't get very far before collapsing in a heap in the corridor. Writing this at 1.30am, as I'm too excited to sleep - this time tomorrow the Mrs will be sharing the bed both with me and 'Taz'!!

Friday 4th October.

Picked Jamie and Cadz up this morning. Jamie must have saved up before the administration, because when I arrived, a van had just dropped of a huge delivery of T.V's, videos and DVD players. We went down to the tattoo parlour and I showed them the TAZ design, for some reason they couldn't stop laughing - what do they know? Jamie's got mad hair and Cadz is covered in tattoo's looking like barbwire - at least mine is based on a successful loony tunes character. The tattoo went on without me flinching, unfortunately I couldn't show it to the wife and kids as it needs to be bandaged up for a couple of days - ha ha, I feel like one of my players! Got a phone call from Wardy, he says he might not be able to make the match with Preston tomorrow, as he's won a day out at the seaside in a competition. I asked him who's donating the prize, he said Flamingo Land, I asked him where the day out is, he said Portsmouth.

Saturday 5th October.

Another bloody draw. I told the Mrs that I was very disappointed. I mean, why can't she make the cupboard first and then make the draws to go in it, one by one? Seems like she doing things arse backwards. Nevermind. Thought we did well today against Preston - ie no one injured. Procter is looking good and if Ashley is still around I think we have a good partnership up front. Just got to break the language barrier down though - think I'll get Mike to go on some English lessons with Juanjo. Incidentally, Wardy did play today, but I think his mid was on the seaside - missed a couple of sitters, but then he wouldn't be Wardy if he put away 20% of his chances. Unfortunately Gus ended up in hospital after the game - visiting Richard Cresswell. Cresswell should consider himself very lucky - the scaring should make him better looking in the long run - every cloud has a silver lining as they say.

Sunday 6th October.

Here we are again, in bed with the wife and another week gone. Still haven't found that hair tonic I'm after, but at last I took off my dressing and showed the wife my 'tat'. Think she is getting carried away with her woodwork a bit, as she was pestering me to get wood, whatever that means. I told her that B&Q didn't open til 10am on a Sunday, and she said that if I couldn't provide for her, then she would have to find it from elsewhere. I told her that HomeBase has the same opening hours, but she just buried her head in the back of the News of the World, murmuring stuff about love eggs. I said me too, and make them scrambled on toast. I'm so glad me and the Mrs are on the same wavelength, a lot of other wives wouldn't cope with the strains and pressures of having a husband in football management.

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