Being Nicky Law: The secret diary of a City manager

By James Ramsden. Wednesday 16 October, 2002

Week Two

Monday 7th October.

Took the dog for a walk this morning. He can hardly walk, so we took it slow. He's doing well for his age - I read once that dog years are about 9 of ours, which makes him 119! I had a few important calls to do, so I passed the dog onto Big Bob Molenaar, who was doing a few laps - hopefully it shouldn't slow him down - I told Rover to take it easy, and if he sees Bob struggling, stop and let him catch up. I've been on the phone to Reidy. Not wanting to pull any punches, I said to him that as it looks as though he's for the chop this week, could he 'lose' the paperwork for Proc, and we'll just pretend that we signed him on a free. After ten minutes, he stopped swearing. I then said he could have Wardy in exchange - we either lost the signal on the mobile or he hung up.

Tuesday 8th October.

Popped down to the Post Office depot this morning to pick up a parcel for the wife. Don't know what it is, it has no labels on it, it's just discreet looking. On the way back, I got the kid a 'Clown Loach' from the tropical fish shop. It looks a bit like one of our players (not slow, sluggish and overpriced like the Mrs said), but because it has amber and black stripes on its body - you know, like our kit. The son said all it needs now is JCT600 on it, I said I'd rather have it with a wedge of lemon and some tartar sauce, which set him off again. Fortunately, a knock on the door managed to diffuse the situation - it was Juanjo's mum, she come round to take me for my Spanish cookery lesson.

Wednesday 9th October.

Took the lads to the cinema today. I try and make training fun, so whoever gives the best performance in the 5 a side's, gets to pick what we watch. Personally I thought Disney have produced better films than 'Milo & Stitch', but Andy Tod had a good game in training today, so it was his choice. Toddy is a funny one, he trains really well, but once he actually gets out on the pitch, he seems to lose it. I think his time on Bantam Brother has messed him up a bit. I got back to the house, to find the Mrs unwell. I think I undercooked the mussels in the Paella last night, and gave her a bit of 'Barcelona belly'. She had locked herself in the bathroom, and all I could hear every ten minutes or so, was these terrific moans and groans. Bless her, she emerged about an hour later looking all flushed - she must be hallucinating aswell, as she said that she could murder a cigarette - she doesn't even smoke!

Thursday 10th October.

After training, me and Banksy took the lads to Flamingo Land for a bit of a bonding day. That's the beauty of having Gordon as our chairman - we can get 10% off the entrance fee. You can tell that there is good team spirit amongst all the boys, as Ash shouted everyone some 'Flamingo Floss'. Mind you, the money he's on, he could have bought all the Flamingo's some too! To be honest, for the clubs sake, we've got to get rid of Wardy - not because of the fact that his wages are crippling us, but because he couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo. On the way back, Jakes started complaining that he felt ill. I asked him if it was because he'd been on too many rides, however Jakes thought that it might be more serious. He'd been sitting on the back of the coach with Cada, Jamie and young Steve Warnock, when Steve produced a copy of Razzle. Being a good honest born again Christian, Jakes didn't want to have a look, but unfortunately for him, for a joke, Jamie and Cadz pinned him down and held his eyes open 'Clockwork Orange' style, whilst Steve showed the girls to Jakes one by one. Jakes now thinks that God is making him suffer, and he is already preparing to tell his wife that he has committed adultery.

Friday 11th October.

Banksy went down the bookies this morning, said he had a dead cert. I asked him what it was, and gave him £50 to put on for me aswell. I had Athers come to me this afternoon apologising for him being so injury prone. I would have told him not to bother, but before I had time to speak, he slipped on my copy of 'Body Art Monthly' and cracked his knee on the filing cabinet. Doc Vince thinks that he may be out for several months. Knew I shouldn't have let Bob take the dog out this morning - that extra training may have taken it out of him for tomorrow.

Saturday 12th October.

I asked the lads to get to the ground early this morning. Gordon's got this new plan. In order to cut down on costs, his Flamingo's now use the pitch during the week as their home. It saves us having to spend money on cutting the pitch, and it saves Gordon having to pay extra rent for a paddock, so everyone's happy - except the players that is, as it takes a bloody knackering two hours to catch them. Come to think of it, could be reason why we don't win so many games. Another draw again with Derby, and they only had 9 men at the end (bet they get a successful appeal). Still a draw's not too bad, Banksy and me both got 3/1 down Ladbrokes - that's me £200 better off!

Sunday 13th October.

Still no sodding adverts for hair tonic in the paper. Think of all that lack of advertising for Goochy - I bet he's pulling his hair out! However, one good thing, there is a section on Mediterranean cooking which I'll cut out and keep for when Juanita comes round on Tuesday. The Mrs seems in good spirits this morning, in fact she has been all week. She keeps walking around with a permanent smile on her face, occasionally gasping and giggling. I think she may have corns or something, as she seems to have developed a funny walk - a sort of jiggling motion. I'll see if she can borrow some of Steve Redmonds magic spray. Were off to Chesterfield today to visit the outlaws for Sunday Lunch, should be fun - hopefully the Mrs will pass on to her mum whatever's making her feel so happy, and make my afternoon a bit easier! Mother in laws eh!!

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